Skip to main content

Berlusconi Vows To Continue Orgies



In an emotional address, Silvio Berlusconi, 75, has assured the Italian public that despite his recent ouster, his orgies will continue.
“I was committed to group sex with possibly-underage girls before becoming prime minister,” said Berlusconi to a crowd of several thousand supporters. “And I assure you that commitment remains as strong as ever. Really strong. Like, rock-hard.”
In recent days, many Italians had worried how the billionaire media mogul’s resignation from the office of prime minster would affect his sex life.

“I feared that without the power and connections of the position, he would not be able to keep throwing the ‘bunga-bunga’ parties to which he has become accustomed,” said Marco Giordano, 27, a supporter of Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party who was present for the speech.

Berlusconi was quick to assuage these fears. “In fact, my resignation will allow me to pursue future orgies with greater freedom,” said Berlusconi. “Without the media scrutiny of high office, I expect my orgies to become bigger, weirder, and more frequent.”

Berlusconi then teased the crowd with a few preliminary details of an upcoming orgy he has scheduled for early December. “Imagine Commedia dell’arte masks, ten showgirls desperate to help their careers, and my nude, septuagenarian body pumping away like a wrinkly oil derrick,” he told the cheering crowd. “As long as I have the strength to drag my sweaty, sagging haunches onto a pile of teen prostitutes, the orgies will not stop!”

In the speech, Berlusconi also promised to continue his shady business dealings, vice-like control over the Italian media, and crypto-fascist public statements.

“And although nothing has ever been proven, I also vow to possibly keep associating with the mafia. Or maybe not,” said Berlusconi, winking.

Berlusconi ended the speech by inviting six female members of the audience to join him for a special Q&A at a nearby hotel.
Labels:
Location: Milan, Italy

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Watch as Patrick Stewart Recites a Poem with a Yorkshire Dialect

In a scene from TOWN with Nicholas Crane, Patrick Stewart, of Star Trek and X-men fame,  gets nostalgic over his childhood and recites a poem in his native Yorkshire dialect. His mother and aunt would recite the poem around Christmas time every year which is probably why he still remembers it many years later. Stewart was born in Mirfield - a small town in West Yorkshire England.
Post a Comment
Read more

Wildlife conservation on ice: frozen zoos to save animals

  On the edge: Disease and habitat loss is decimating wild amphibian populations globally, with more than 200 species needing urgent intervention through captive breeding, says Dr. Simon Clulow. In a south-eastern suburb in Melbourne, there’s a zoo. It has no visitors, and there are no animals anywhere inside it. Rather, the Australian Frozen Zoo houses living cells and genetic material from Australian native and rare and exotic species. This place, and others like it, could be a big part of the future of conservation. Department of Biological Sciences’ Simon Clulow and his colleagues make the case for ‘biobanking’ in a recent piece in Conservation Letters. Clulow is keen to stress that this doesn’t mean getting rid of conventional zoos or captive breeding programs. “Captive breeding has had some wonderful successes, and there will always be a huge place for it,” he says. PhD student and lead author Lachlan Howell agrees. “It was captive breeding that brought the giant panda back f...
Post a Comment
Read more

California’s surge of large wildfires: a multi-dimensional fire challenge

September 21, 2021  Accumulating fuels and rising populations are contributing to California’s large, destructive fires. Climate change has helped fuel California’s surge of unusually large and destructive fires by exacerbating heat waves and droughts , but climate is not the only factor contributing to the surge. More than a century of fire suppression has caused excessive amounts of dead trees, leaf litter, and dried brush to build up in forests. Meanwhile, California’s increasing population means that many more people now live and work in areas that are prone to fire. The consequences of all the fires are remarkable, even from space. The false-color image at the top of the page shows burn scars left by large fires that burned in recent years, including the two largest incidents on record in California: the August fire complex and the Dixie fire . The image was captured by the Moderate Resolution Imaging Spectroradiometer (MODIS) on NASA’s Terra satellite on September 21, 2021. ...
Post a Comment
Read more