In an emotional address, Silvio Berlusconi, 75, has assured the Italian public that despite his recent ouster, his orgies will continue.
“I was committed to group sex with possibly-underage girls before becoming prime minister,” said Berlusconi to a crowd of several thousand supporters. “And I assure you that commitment remains as strong as ever. Really strong. Like, rock-hard.”
In recent days, many Italians had worried how the billionaire media mogul’s resignation from the office of prime minster would affect his sex life.
“I feared that without the power and connections of the position, he would not be able to keep throwing the ‘bunga-bunga’ parties to which he has become accustomed,” said Marco Giordano, 27, a supporter of Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party who was present for the speech.
Berlusconi was quick to assuage these fears. “In fact, my resignation will allow me to pursue future orgies with greater freedom,” said Berlusconi. “Without the media scrutiny of high office, I expect my orgies to become bigger, weirder, and more frequent.”
Berlusconi then teased the crowd with a few preliminary details of an upcoming orgy he has scheduled for early December. “Imagine Commedia dell’arte masks, ten showgirls desperate to help their careers, and my nude, septuagenarian body pumping away like a wrinkly oil derrick,” he told the cheering crowd. “As long as I have the strength to drag my sweaty, sagging haunches onto a pile of teen prostitutes, the orgies will not stop!”
In the speech, Berlusconi also promised to continue his shady business dealings, vice-like control over the Italian media, and crypto-fascist public statements.
“And although nothing has ever been proven, I also vow to possibly keep associating with the mafia. Or maybe not,” said Berlusconi, winking.
Berlusconi ended the speech by inviting six female members of the audience to join him for a special Q&A at a nearby hotel.
“I feared that without the power and connections of the position, he would not be able to keep throwing the ‘bunga-bunga’ parties to which he has become accustomed,” said Marco Giordano, 27, a supporter of Berlusconi’s People of Freedom Party who was present for the speech.
Berlusconi was quick to assuage these fears. “In fact, my resignation will allow me to pursue future orgies with greater freedom,” said Berlusconi. “Without the media scrutiny of high office, I expect my orgies to become bigger, weirder, and more frequent.”
Berlusconi then teased the crowd with a few preliminary details of an upcoming orgy he has scheduled for early December. “Imagine Commedia dell’arte masks, ten showgirls desperate to help their careers, and my nude, septuagenarian body pumping away like a wrinkly oil derrick,” he told the cheering crowd. “As long as I have the strength to drag my sweaty, sagging haunches onto a pile of teen prostitutes, the orgies will not stop!”
In the speech, Berlusconi also promised to continue his shady business dealings, vice-like control over the Italian media, and crypto-fascist public statements.
“And although nothing has ever been proven, I also vow to possibly keep associating with the mafia. Or maybe not,” said Berlusconi, winking.
Berlusconi ended the speech by inviting six female members of the audience to join him for a special Q&A at a nearby hotel.
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